Flexing Your Leadership Style
Have you ever had an idea that you shared in a meeting only to have that idea disregarded, and then minutes later have a colleague share the exact same idea but this time everyone was excited about it? There are a variety of reasons this could have happened. For example, you may be a new team member, and your team may require you to establish credibility on the job before you are listened to. Or perhaps you are highly technical and the audience that you are discussing your idea with is less technical, so they don’t understand the details of the message. Unfortunately, another reason could be that the individual sharing your idea is mansplaining. A further example could be that you are part of a work culture that lacks the values of trust and team contribution when sharing an idea.
Regardless of the situation, it isn’t a good feeling. However, there are ways you can advocate for yourself to be heard, and one of those ways is by developing and flexing your style. By style, I don’t mean your wardrobe, but rather your leadership style. Style can be boiled down to how you say what you say. Perfecting your style is important because no matter how good you are at what you do, if you don’t have an effective style when delivering a message, it may not resonate with your intended audience.
If you think about great leaders like Jacinda Ardern, Tim Cook, Stacey Abrams, or Satya Nadella, one thing that stands out is their leadership style. In every interaction we send signals about how to interact with us and how we interact with others. As we do that, we are developing a style, and the more we repeat those signals, the more distinctive our style becomes. Signals can be sent through our language, our non-verbal communication, and the context of the setting. For instance, someone may be more direct in their communication, and accompany that communication with lots of hand gesturing. On the other hand, you may have someone else in that meeting who is indirect in their language and is not engaging in the conversation. If someone is always very direct or very indirect in their communication, then we see that as part of their style. The more certain signals are repeated, the more they become part of our perceived style.
In general, there are two categories that the bulk of our signals fall into that define our style: power and attractiveness. A powerful style is associated with someone who is not only confident, competent, and influential but can also be brash, prideful, and at times impolite. A person with a powerful style will use less qualifiers in their speech (i.e., does that make sense?). For example, someone who joins a meeting and skips the pleasantries to get straight to the matter at hand has adopted aspects of a powerful style. Whereas an attractive style tends to be not only more informal, respectful, and empathetic, but may also be considered as indifferent, obedient, or lacking in confidence. An example of this could be when someone qualifies their speech or uses inclusive language like “we” instead of “me”.
One style is not better than the other as there are pros and cons to either extreme. Further, both styles are needed at certain times to be effective in leading and communicating. It is possible to use aspects of power and attractiveness that work well with your personal style to deliver an effective message. When someone has both power and attractiveness in their style that is called a blended style. According to research conducted in Harvard Business Review, “Style isn’t like personality—it can be intentionally altered. Dynamically integrating a broader range of powerful and attractive markers in everyday interactions can make a big difference in how we are perceived. The result is a true blended style that enables leaders to become powerful enough to be heard and attractive enough to be followed”.
The truth is that the most effective leaders master a blended style, and they can flex between power and attractiveness depending on their needs. For example, in one meeting you may need to collaborate with your team which could require more attractive traits to drive a result. However, in another meeting you may need to demonstrate confidence for someone to adopt your idea and for that reason powerful style markers are required.
People aren’t born blended leaders; they are made blended leaders through self-reflection and work. As you grow in your career or business, it’s important to be mindful of the signals you are putting out to your stakeholders. To begin to develop your style consider the following tips:
Start with some self-reflection. Understand where you are at currently and which style you utilize most frequently. Think about your audience, the objective with your meeting and consider which style may be needed to achieve your objective.
Keep in mind, one style isn’t better than the other! And different styles may be needed depending on the situation.
Don’t be afraid to experiment with different styles to see what works for you.
Ask for feedback from individuals you trust so you can get an outsider’s perspective on how your style is being perceived.
Don’t be afraid to emulate someone else’s style that you admire. You can do this by making small adjustments to how you communicate verbally or nonverbally. This isn’t disingenuous but rather a sign that you’re growing as a leader!
Finally, remember to be genuine and authentic to yourself. If you’re trying too hard to be powerful or attractive, people can sniff that out. But also keep in mind that flexing your style doesn’t automatically mean you are being disingenuous. Experiment until you find a style that works for you.
Take Action:
If you’re wondering where to get started in understanding and developing your leadership style, take note of your interactions and which style markers come up the most often. You can utilize tools like the Leadership Markers identified in HBR’s article, “How to Develop Your Leadership Style”. Use the Leadership Markers as a checklist to reference after each meeting. Which markers did you use most often? In your next meeting, try to flex a different marker and observe the result.
